Many people experience a sense of inner conflict, where what is inside (their thoughts, feelings, and desires) does not align with what is outside (their actions, behaviors, and external circumstances). This creates a dissonance that leads to a lack of totality—being fragmented or divided within oneself. Several factors contribute to this internal disconnect:

1. Social Conditioning and External Expectations

• From an early age, individuals are often shaped by societal norms, family expectations, and cultural influences, leading them to act in ways that do not always reflect their true selves. This creates a divide between personal truth and the role one plays in society.
• Examples: A person may outwardly strive for success in a conventional career, while inwardly feeling a calling toward creative or spiritual work, creating inner conflict. In a romantic relationship, a person may feel pressured to act in a way that aligns with their partner’s expectations -perhaps being overly agreeable, suppressing emotions, or compromising values because they fear conflict, even if it doesn’t reflect their true feelings.

2. Fear of Judgment or Rejection

• Fear of judgment or rejection prevents many from expressing their authentic selves. People often suppress their true feelings, desires, or opinions to conform to what is expected of them, leading to a gap between their true nature and outward behavior.
• Examples: Someone might feel the urge to speak out or take a stand on something but remains silent to avoid conflict or disapproval. In a friendship, one might feel conflicted between their true feelings and the need to please the other person, avoiding difficult conversations to keep the relationship harmonious, even though this results in inner resentment.

3. Lack of Self-Awareness

• Sometimes, individuals are not in touch with their true feelings, desires, or values, due to a lack of introspection. This makes it harder for them to recognize the conflict between what they truly want and what they are doing.
• Examples: A person might be pursuing a career that seems “successful” on the outside but feels unfulfilled, without fully understanding why. In a marriage, a partner may feel unfulfilled but may not even realize the cause—whether it’s unmet emotional needs, lack of communication, or simply growing apart – leading to behaviors that don’t match their true feelings, creating frustration and confusion.

4. Internalized Doubts and Insecurity

• Insecurities and self-doubt arise from past experiences, failures, or comparisons with others. These internalized beliefs can make it difficult for individuals to align with their true self because they are often weighing external validation more than internal truth. It may affect how one behaves in relationships, often leading to inauthentic expressions of love and care.
• Examples: A person might doubt their worth or capabilities, leading them to act inauthentically to gain approval, even when they are not truly aligned with what they want or believe. A person may lie to avoid disappointing someone, even if it goes against their own values, out of guilt for not meeting expectations.

5. Understanding Limitations and Balance 

• Many individuals experience internal conflict when they realize their personal limits but struggle to reconcile them with external pressures or expectations. This awareness of their boundaries often leads to a desire for balance between their true self and the demands of others. While they understand their limitations, they may push beyond them, creating a disconnect between what they can realistically achieve and want, and with what they are trying to portray to others.
• Examples: A professional might feel torn between advancing their career and spending time with family. In relationships, one might understand their emotional limits but try to meet the needs of others at the expense of their own well being. The struggle to find balance may create internal discord, as the individual works to honor their true limits while managing the expectations placed upon them.

How to Resolve Inner Conflict and Be True to Oneself

• Practice Self-Awareness and Mindfulness
  • Regular introspection and mindfulness help identify areas where there is dissonance between inner and outer worlds. This can involve practices like meditation, journaling, or quiet reflection.
  • Actionable Tip: Set aside time daily to sit quietly and observe your thoughts, emotions, and reactions. Notice where there is tension or misalignment between what you feel and how you act. Reflect on your relationships—whether romantic, familial, or friendships. Ask yourself, “Are my actions in this relationship aligned with how I truly feel?” and practice mindfulness to uncover where the conflict lies.
• Challenge Social Conditioning and External Expectations
  • Recognize that many of your beliefs and actions may be influenced by societal norms or family expectations rather than your true desires. By identifying these external pressures, you can consciously choose to release them.
  • Actionable Tip: Reflect on key areas where you feel disconnected or out of alignment. Ask yourself, “Is this what I truly want, or is it what others expect?”
• Cultivate Courage and Authenticity
  • It takes courage to act authentically, especially when it means going against the grain or risking rejection. Begin with small steps to express your true feelings and desires, both internally and externally.
  • Actionable Tip: Practice speaking your truth in safe spaces or to trusted individuals. Gradually, this will help you feel more comfortable with being authentic in broader contexts.
• Build Self-Trust and Confidence
  • Trusting your intuition and decisions is essential for aligning your inner and outer worlds. When you trust yourself, you can be more consistent in your actions, leading to less conflict and more totality.
  • Actionable Tip: Start making small decisions based on what feels right to you, without seeking approval. Over time, you’ll build confidence in your ability to act authentically. When you feel uneasy about something, trust your instincts and take actions that are aligned with your values, even if it’s difficult.
• Embrace Imperfection and Let Go of Perfectionism
  • Many people hesitate to be true to themselves because they fear imperfection. Accepting that it’s okay to be imperfect and that mistakes are part of growth can help reduce the fear of judgment and allow for greater self-expression.
  • Actionable Tip: Reflect on past experiences where you felt you were not being true to yourself. Forgive yourself for those moments and view them as opportunities for growth, not failures. In your relationships, stop striving for perfection.
• Align Your Actions with Your Principles
  • The more your actions align with your life mantras or principles, the more authentic and complete you will feel. Identify what matters most to you – your purpose, beliefs, passions and make decisions that reflect these values.
  • Actionable Tip: Write down your top 3 core values and evaluate whether your current actions align with them. Make conscious efforts to bring your actions in line with your values moving forward. If you’re feeling conflicted in a relationship, ask yourself if your actions align with your core values. If your relationship doesn’t reflect what you truly value, consider making changes to bring it into alignment.
• Seek Support and Guidance
  • It can be helpful to work with mentors, therapists or coaches who can help you uncover the sources of your inner conflict and guide you towards greater alignment with your authentic self.
  • Actionable Tip: Reach out to a trusted mentor or counselor to discuss the areas of conflict you are experiencing. Sometimes, an outside perspective can shed light on what might be blocking you from being true to yourself.
• Seek Balance, Not Perfection  
  • Balance does not mean giving equal weight to everything at all times; it means aligning your time and energy with what feels most meaningful at the moment. Let go of the need to achieve perfection in every area.
  • Actionable Tip: Reflect weekly on how you’ve spent your time and energy. Are there areas where you’ve overcommitted or neglected what’s important? Make small adjustments to create a better balance.
• Acknowledge Your Boundaries
  • Recognize that you have finite time, energy and resources. Know your limits by understanding your natural boundaries through self awareness and experience. Set realistic goals, avoid burnout, and build humility, acceptance and confidence. Boundaries may expand over time.
  • Actionable Tip: Identify areas in your life where you feel overextended. Make a list of tasks or responsibilities you can delegate, postpone or let go of to create space for your priorities and necessities.

Summary

Inner conflict often arises from societal conditioning, fear of rejection, and self-doubt. To resolve this and become whole, one must develop self-awareness, authenticity, and self-trust, while also letting go of external expectations. By consciously aligning your inner values with external actions, you can create deeper, more authentic connections with others, fostering harmony both within and between yourself and those around you; dissolve the dissonance and live in totality, being true to yourself. Embody life mantras to be total and align your inner and outer worlds.