We hear it every day: “How are you?” It’s one of the most commonly spoken phrases in human interaction; texted, asked, repeated almost ritualistically. But behind its casual surface lies a profound truth: most times, it’s not a real question. It’s a social script. A habit. A placeholder.
To truly understand “How are you?” is to unpack the intention, depth and awareness behind it. As we evolve from surface interactions to soulful presence, we realize this question, when asked consciously, can hold space for another’s truth or, when used emptily, can reduce connection to performance.
Let’s explore this phrase across layers: habit, presence, silence, wisdom and oneness.
Habitual Asking: When “How Are You?” Is Just Noise
Definition: A reflexive, polite question asked without presence or intention.
Example: Saying “how are you?” while walking past someone without stopping or caring to hear the answer.
Lesson: Most people don’t ask to know. They ask to fill space. In this layer, the phrase becomes noise.
Superficial Responses: The Mask of “I’m Fine”
Definition: A conditioned response meant to avoid vulnerability or inconvenience.
Example: Responding with “I’m good” even while emotionally collapsing inside.
Lesson: People often hide their truth because they don’t believe the other person truly wants to hear it.
Asking with Presence: The Lost Art
Definition: A conscious inquiry backed by emotional space, time and willingness to listen.
Example: A friend looks into your eyes, pauses, and says, “How are you—really?”
Lesson: The depth of your asking determines the depth of their answering. Presence creates permission.
Not Asking at All: Respect through Silence
Definition: A choice not to ask, not from neglect, but from awareness of one’s own limitations caused due to circumstances, periphery or the sacredness of silence.
Example: Choosing not to ask “how are you?” when you know you can’t hold the emotional weight of the answer.
Lesson: Sometimes, sensing without asking is more loving than asking without capacity.
Beyond the Question: Wisdom in Nonverbal Connection
Definition: Intuiting emotional truth through awareness, not interrogation.
Example: Offering a warm presence, a shared silence or gentle support without needing explanation.
Lesson: Words are not always the doorway to understanding. Stillness often speaks louder.
Transcending Interaction: The State of Conscious Awareness
Definition: Understanding that emotional states are not fixed, and no single question can capture the fluidity of being.
Example: Recognizing that someone’s answer today isn’t their truth tomorrow and letting them evolve without labels.
Lesson: True connection honors impermanence and allows space for changing realities.
The Final Layer: Oneness Beyond Questions
Definition: The deep recognition that in truth, there is no separation—between you, the other or the question.
Example: A state where asking “how are you?” dissolves, because you feel the other as part of yourself.
Lesson: In oneness, there’s no need to ask—only to be, to hold and to exist with each other fully.
The Final Truth: Beyond Words, Beyond Wanting to Know
“How are you?” isn’t just a question. It’s a mirror. At the surface, it reflects our habits. In the middle, it reveals our intentions. At the depth, it dissolves the illusion of separateness.
When asked with presence, it opens a door.
When asked mindlessly, it closes one.
When not asked at all, it sometimes says more than words ever could.
Ultimately, we reach a space where asking or not asking becomes irrelevant; because presence itself becomes the connection. In oneness, there is no “You” and “I.” There is no question. Just silent understanding. Just existence.